Diaries I Read:
I�ve gained two pounds. It makes no sense to me. I could sit here and say that it doesn�t upset me, but it does. It�s really depressing.
Again, I don�t feel like I�ve gained weight. I don�t think I look like I�ve gained weight. But the scale doesn�t lie, does it? Two pounds. A total of three pounds altogether since my lightest weigh-in a few weeks ago.
No, I haven�t been a perfect WW follower the past week. I�ve cheated a little. But no more than I did other weeks, when I still lost weight.
Again, I�m wondering if maybe the extra pounds are muscle weight, since I�ve been going to the gym to lift weights and running fairly consistently. But then again, maybe I�m just kidding myself, making excuses.
Of course, I�d be able to put my mind at ease if I�d only taken my measurements like I talked about a couple of weeks ago. But I didn�t. So I have no way to compare. No way to see if the numbers on the scale are just numbers or if they�re something real, something that I should be worried and upset about.
I guess what I have to do is follow the diet TO THE LETTER for the next week and see what happens. Then if I don�t lose weight, I�ll know that it�s either the muscle mass thing or simply that I�ve reached a plateau and I�m just not going to lose anymore.
I guess that�s the basic problem. I don�t know how much weight I should even be trying to lose. Maybe I shouldn�t expect to stay at such a low weight. But on the other hand, maybe that�s just letting myself off easy.
I�m confused over this. I�m frustrated. And I�m beginning to wonder if it�s really worth all this worry and strife. I mean, countless people have told me how great and how skinny I look. Why can�t I just take it for what it�s worth and be happy with that?
Why? Because I feel like I�m failing, that�s why. I feel like I was doing so well for a while there, and now I�ve gotten off track and I�ve failed. And I feel like I need to just buckle down and stop being a whiner and quit thinking that, for some reason, I deserve to eat cookies after dinner. Because I don�t.
When I really think about it, this whole diet thing is a depressing prospect. Because it�s not like you lose X amount of weight and then you�re done. No, you lose X amount of weight and then you have to spend the rest of your life fighting not to gain it back. The rest of your life without cookies after dinner.
Siiiiiiiigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004