Diaries I Read:
I�m getting a little bit freaked out. For the last 4 nights at least I have had dreams about babies. Like I said, it�s freaking me out. One of them was about my sister-in-law having one, and that�s fine, but the other ones are about me. Why does it freak me out? Because I really don�t want to have a baby right now. I really don�t. There�s no part of me that wants that right now. But if I�m dreaming about it night after night after night, does that mean that some part of me DOES want one??? Or maybe subconsciously I�m scared about it?
But this one I had last night has stuck with me. You know those dreams that you think about all day long? It was so weird because I never gave birth. I was swimming in the ocean toward this buoy thing, and somebody was holding my baby out to me. The baby kept kind of going under water and I was worried for it, and then I reached it and the person gave it to me, and that was like my birth process. That was when I first got to see the baby, see if it was a boy or girl, and everything. Anyways, it was a girl and I just remember thinking, �She�s so cute!� And she really was. But she didn�t look like an infant, you know, she looked a little older. With a lot of dark hair that was sort of wavy and soft. And I called B and said, �You�d better put your pink shirt on.� And he said, �It�s a girl?!� and he was really excited about it.
So then I get the baby home and it�s like we�re totally unprepared for it. Like it had been a surprise or something. Or like we had adopted it. Because in no part of this dream was I pregnant. Actually we weren�t even at our house but at my parents� house, and we were keeping and changing the baby in random, make-shift places. I remember saying, �I want to have a real nursery with pink walls and everything.� And I was disappointed that we seemed so unprepared. And then it was like I kept forgetting about the baby. Like I�d only feed it once a day and it would sleep the rest of the time. Oh, and we hadn�t chosen a name yet. My parents decided to name her Denise, and had that put on the birth certificate and everything. I said I didn�t like that name at all and tried to think of different ones. But I couldn�t remember any of the names I liked. Finally I remembered Haley and decided that she was a perfect Haley and named her that. But then I kept forgetting her name, too. People would ask what her name was and it was like I went blank and had to keep re-remembering Haley.
It was so bizarre. I hope I don�t have another one tonight. Who knows, maybe I am pregnant and don�t know it yet and that�s why I�m having the dreams. Boy, I hope not.
So I�m completely bored at work again today. It�s like torture sitting here with nothing to do. A slow torture.
Is anyone reading this? If you are, please sign my guest book. I just want to know if I�m writing for an audience or not.
In my boredom yesterday I looked at a bunch of these diaries, and I have to say that most of them are BORING!!! I mean, I don�t want to read a play by play about exactly what somebody did throughout their day. Go into some detail or something. Go off on a tangent or something. Go a bit deeper. OR SOMETHING!!! I know my entries aren�t the most fascinating reading on the planet, but I hope they�re a bit less mundane than most of the ones I�ve read. Or then there�s the suicidal depressed ones. Ugh. Don�t get me wrong, I�ve gone through my stages, too. I guess now that I�m a HMP it just seems like such a clich� to be depressed. Oh, I know, I�m so insensitive. Oh well. If you�re happy and you know it clap your hands. Clap, clap.
I have to say I�m a bit envious of those diaries out there that have the cool backgrounds and stuff. But then I have to gag when I come across one with a picture of Justin Timberlake on it. And I swear I�ve read at least three that claim, �I�m your average 14-year-old girl. This diary is about my hopes, dreams, fears, and heartbreaks.� I guess I can�t fault them. Sigh. I was once that 14-year-old girl, too. Deep sigh. And then there�s the ones that write stuff like �So J and i like went to the movies lol and omg C wuz there wid GG ha ha!!! i wuz like omg OMG omg. Lol.� And I kid you not, I found one that a girl had written about her new boyfriend and she had listed ONLINE his full name, birthdate, address, and father�s name and address! Is she a member of the Aid the Stalkers Foundation??? Stupid kids.
OK, that�s enough bagging on everyone else�s diaries. If I keep it up no one will visit me! Well, tell me what you hate about my journal! Come on, I dare you, bring it on! J
That�s it. Bzzzzzzzz.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004