Diaries I Read:
I have a dilemma.
It concerns my little brother. I�m not sure how much I�ve said about my brother, so I�ll include a little background.
Bro is five years my junior, making him almost 25 years old. He graduated from college a year and a half ago and got his first �real� job about three months ago.
Bro is a good kid. He�s really smart and he has a good heart. That said, he doesn�t always make the best decisions. I think one of his biggest faults is that he hasn�t yet taken responsibility for his life. My parents have made that very easy for him. He lives with them rent free and drives a car they bought for him. They paid for his college, and he has no debt. Until he got this job, I�m pretty sure they also paid for his car insurance, health insurance, gas, and any other incidental expenses he incurred because he simply had no income whatsoever.
(To be fair, I must include that my parents also paid for me to go to college. They bought me my first car, and before I had a real job they paid for my medical too. I lived with them rent free from the time I graduated from college until the day I married B. They�ve always been fair in that way. However, I don�t think I took advantage of their generosity the same way Bro does. In my defense, I was putting myself through grad school much of the time they were footing my other bills.)
It�s hard for me to describe my relationship with Bro. I love him to death simply because he�s my little brother. Sometimes it�s hard for me to accept that he�s a grown man and not a little boy begging to play with my friends and me. But the truth is that we�re really not all that close. We really don�t know each other all that well. I feel like there�s this distance between us. I can�t explain it. Maybe it�s because there�s such an age gap. We never went to the same school. When I was a teenager, he was a little eight-year-old kid. When I turned 16 and started driving, he was still in elementary school. When he became a teenager, I was heading off to college. And when I came home from college, he was just leaving the house. We just kept missing each other.
Like I said, Bro hasn�t always made the best decisions. And while his hyjinks (sp?) may not be much worse that those of most kids his age, he always seems to get caught. How many people do you know who snuck out of the house? He did, and he got caught. How many of your underage friends had fake IDs? He did, and he got caught. How many times have you heard of people running across the dugout at a major league baseball game? Well, maybe not that many � but he did, and he got ARRESTED.
So this Friday night, B and I went out to dinner with Bro and his girlfriend Blondie. When we got to the house, there was this random girl sitting on the couch watching TV. Bro introduced her and said that she was �between apartments� so he was letting her stay there for a while.
(Now, don�t forget, �the house� is my parents� house. Bro is living there rent-free, and my parents are in Florida � they�ve been there for a couple of months and will be there until after Thanksgiving.)
I didn�t think too much of the random girl, and the four of us left to go out for dinner. We had a really nice evening, talking about jobs and life and PL and whatnot. We laughed and had a great time. I was really pleased with the evening, thinking that spending time with Bro like this was way overdue and that I was really glad we�d had some time together.
Then we headed back to the house, and random girl was still sitting on the couch. I went to use the bathroom, and when I came out a minute later, the family room was filled with all these people I�d never seen before. Well, I recognized one kid as one of Bro�s old roommates, but there were at least three others, not counting random girl, who I�d never seen in my life. I was a little confused, wondering where all these people had come from so quickly.
B and I hung out for a few minutes and then made our exit. It was clear that we were the �old farts� in this group. After we left, B explained to me that all of the random people had been in the backyard when we arrived, and they came inside when I was in the bathroom. AND he said that he smelled marijuana coming from the backyard and was really surprised that I hadn�t smelled it too.
So this is where the dilemma comes in. I don�t think it�s OK for random people (whether they�re friends of Bro�s or not) to be hanging out at my parents� house when Bro is not there. One girl is one thing, but four or five people is quite another. I don�t know these people, and they could be the most wonderful people on earth, but I still don�t think they should be loitering in our backyard while my brother�s out having dinner with his family. It just feels weird.
And then, the pot. That suggests to me that these random people hanging out unattended at my parents� house are not the most trustworthy individuals around. It shows a total lack of respect for my parents and our home for them to be using drugs at that house. My brother should not be allowing that kind of behavior to take place. If it were his apartment, it would be his prerogative, I suppose. But this is not his house, and believe me, he knows all too well how my parents would feel about it.
And of course this leads me to believe that my brother is also using marijuana. Which doesn�t come as a complete and total surprise to me because he�s been caught (of course) before and admitted as much to me in the past. But I guess I thought (in my naivety, I suppose) that he had gotten past that nonsense and was starting to act like more of an adult. I think it would be pretty silly of me to assume Bro is just letting his parents� house be the drug house without partaking of it himself.
I feel like I need to confront him on this issue. I don�t want to tell my parents because they would FREAK out. They would be so mad and disappointed and upset, I just don�t even want to think about it. I also don�t want to be the tattletale older sister. I feel like telling my parents would undermine the little bit of a relationship Bro and I have started to build. I don�t want him to feel like I disapprove (although I do, I guess) or I�m angry or anything because I want us to be friends. I don�t want him to feel like he can�t trust me.
So I�m thinking that I need to talk to him about it. I just don�t think I can let this slide. For one, I think it would be disrespectful to my parents on my part if I didn�t confront him on the issue and let him know that it isn�t OK. There are just so many things wrong with the situation, I don�t really know where to start. It makes me very uncomfortable and a little bit sad.
After writing this, I sent Bro an e-mail telling him how I feel about all of this. We�ll see how he responds. If he responds.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004