Diaries I Read:
I don�t think we should ever say that we hate another person. Because �hate� is such a strong word, and we should have love for everybody, even if they don�t deserve it, even if they�re a creep, even if they have been really mean to us.
That said, there�s a person here at work who I really really really really really dislike.
I�ve disliked him for a long time. This story is not new, and there�s really nothing to add to it. I just thought I�d tell you about this most un-favorite person I know.
He thinks he is really cool and really smart. He acts like he is a wonderful gift to women. He has curly hair like Goldilocks or something. He has a big nose. He talks really loud. He�s not that cool and no smarter than most people. He is certainly no gift to women, or men even, for that matter.
The first time I met him, I thought he was OK. That�s probably because most people around me seemed to like him, so I figured he must be alright. He was never overly friendly to me, though, and I think I only liked him a little bit because other people that I liked liked him.
Then, I went to a social event and he was there, and he acted like a cocky jerk the whole time. Like he was too good to acknowledge me, too good to have a friendly conversation with B. I decided then that I didn�t like him very much, even though some other people still did.
Then I found out that some other people who I thought liked him didn�t really like him either. So I felt even better about my decision that I didn�t like him.
Then, one day, he pulled a total attitude on me. I won�t get into the details, but he tried to pull a power trip over me and I wouldn�t let him. Because he has no power over me (which I think bugs him). I totally called him on it and told him he was being disrespectful and then I walked away. Then I told other people about it, and I think he probably got called to the floor for being a jerk, and I think the whole thing was embarrassing for him.
Since then, we don�t speak. I never had anything to say to him before, and I don�t have time for people who disrespect me. He doesn�t speak to me because, I believe, he�s embarrassed over what happened and mad that I didn�t take his crap lying down. I also think he�s a little intimidated by me, probably because, even though he thinks he�s really smart, he knows that I�m smarter.
So we don�t talk to each other, and that�s OK. But there are always those awkward moments when you pass one another in the parking lot or the hallway, and you really have no choice but to acknowledge one another. So I do. I give him one of those fake tight-lipped half-smiles, or I grunt, �Hey.� Frankly, I think it makes him mad that I do this. I think he�d like it better if I refused to look him in the eye or greet him.
I�ve heard through the grapevine that he�s acknowledged that what he did to me was wrong, but of course he�d never say that to me. And at this point, many months after the fact, it would be pretty lame. So we continue disliking each other from afar.
It�s really pretty stupid, and it�s really not important. I don�t know why I�m even wasting my time writing about it. It�s just � you know how it is when you see somebody and you really dislike them, and you wish they�d just go away because you hate that feeling you get in your stomach every time you see them? You wish they�d just go away so you wouldn�t have that split second of discomfort every time you hear their booming, annoying voice or see their ugly curls bobbing along the top of the cubicle walls?
Yeah, he�s one of those people whose disappearance would make my life more pleasant. It�s just that I don�t like to dislike people. If he�d just go away, then I could like everyone.
*****
I guess I�m breaking the rules today and talking about work. OK, here�s the situation. Two of my co-workers do not get along AT ALL. There has been lots of drama in the past, and I basically try to steer clear of all of that. I like both of them, for the most part. Each has her quirks. Each has bugged me at one time or another. One more than the other. We�re going to call one of them Princess and the other one Queen.
Anyway, Princess� birthday is today. She�s turning 32. It�s obvious that she�s not excited about reaching this age, because she�s been really quiet about her birthday and has made comments suggesting that she�s not accepting this one.
But, if we didn�t acknowledge her birthday or do something to celebrate it as a department, I can guarantee that there would be hell to pay. You know how that goes.
So yesterday after Princess left early for a doctor�s appointment, as she does at least once a week (did I say that?), we decided to decorate her cube with some streamers and make some posters to put up around the department. Queen went to work and created a poster with balloons and a picture of Princess and the words �Guess who�s 32?!�
Now, let me mention that Queen just turned 31, and I believe that she gets great joy out of being younger than Princess. And she knew Princess was sensitive about turning 32, so to put that on the poster was just kind of mean. I said something to the effect of, �That�s gonna piss Princess off,� and Queen just sort of giggled and printed them out.
Anyway, I guess this morning Princess came into work, took one look at the posters, and ripped them all down. Then, later in the morning, she said she had a terrible headache and went home, as she does at least twice a month (oh, did I say that?).
*****
I don�t even know why I�m writing about these things. They really have no point. But it�s either post what I�ve written so far or don�t post anything at all today. So here you go.
I guess if I had to write a conclusion to this entry, to try to make this babble have a point, it would be to say that I�m getting a little tired of the corporate world. I have a good job. I really do, for the most part. But they�re all the same. It�s the same thing no matter where you go.
And I really don�t think I�m wired for this world. It doesn�t excite me, doesn�t motivate me, doesn�t make me want to work harder to climb the corporate ladder and break through the glass ceiling. It kind of does the opposite.
I think I�m heading to a discussion I�m not quite ready to have here. I�ve mentioned it before; B and I are exploring some �projects� that are very exciting and will potentially change my life. Maybe I�ll tell you about it tomorrow, because not talking about it is beginning to make me feel a little crazy.
Stay tuned.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004