Diaries I Read:
Today�s entry is going to be a sort of journal salad.
This morning made it two weeks that I�ve gotten up early and gone running before work. Yay for me. And so far I�m liking it. It was a little warm this morning, though � not hot, but you could tell it was going to get hot. So maybe I won�t avoid all warm-weather running by running at 6:00 am. Oh well. I�ll deal. It�s getting easier to get myself up in the morning; I think my body is adjusting to the earlier hour. But I still find myself playing mind games nearly every day, trying to talk myself into just skipping the run and sleeping in. And while I�m getting used to waking up earlier, I�m finding myself more tired during the day. I know I just have to start getting to bed at a more decent hour; I�m trying.
However, this running alone thing can be tough on your mind. Too much silence can wreak havoc in your head. And ever since I wrote that entry about the thoughts that ran through my head during my run, I�ve become much too conscious about what I�m thinking while running. It�s like I have a little secretary in my head taking dictation. It�s pretty annoying. Plus that, I keep getting these random songs stuck in my head, and they make me nuts � this morning it was �Damn, I wish I was your lover.� (I don�t even know where these songs come from!) So I think I need to get a good Walkman to take along with me, to distract me from myself. I bought B a nice one that I wanted to borrow, but he managed to lose the headphones. Poo.
*****
There�s a lady who works in HR here who has been steadily losing weight. A lot of weight. I�m not sure when she started whatever plan she�s on, but I started to notice it about three months ago. She�s probably lost at least 30 pounds, and she�s still got a ways to go, but she looks good. The funny thing, though? Since she�s started losing weight, she�s also started being MUCH nicer. She used to be crabby and snappy and we�d all collectively, silently groan when she headed over to our department, but now she�s all smiles and sunshine.
Do you think maybe some people�s fat cells are linked to their nasty cells? I�m pretty sure mine are.
*****
I used to have this theory that one of the reasons said HR lady was kind of mean to us was because our whole department is skinny. I�ve said this before � that, as a whole, my department has a pretty screwy eating disorder. Meaning that at any given time, half of us are on some diet or another, whether it�s not eating carbs, not eating anything that�s not green, or just not eating anything at all. If you looked at our department, though, we�re a pretty attractive group of chicks, if I do say so myself. It�s kind of a running joke at our office � �You know those MarComm girls (wink wink).�
Anyway, what am I saying? Well, you know how I told you several months back about my co-worker starting Lindora and how ridiculous I thought it was to pay $1,000-plus to lose 10 pounds? I have to say that it has worked. She�s probably lost more like 20 pounds, and she looks really great. I also have to admit that this has bugged me. For some reason, her losing weight and looking awesome makes me feel like I look less awesome. I know that�s stupid, but it�s the honest truth.
But I guess I�m not the only one that feels this way. My other co-worker, who doesn�t have a weight problem but eats like crap and never exercises, is all of a sudden trying to eat all �healthy.� I had noticed it but didn�t really care, until I heard from another co-worker (yes, the office gossip mill) that she was trying to lose weight was because she was determined that Lindora girl was NOT going to be skinnier than her! Hee.
*****
Last night B gave me a hug as I left to go to the movies (to see The Terminal � rental!) and hooked his thumbs in the waist of my pants and made a comment akin to �And you said your pants were getting tight � give me a break!� I agreed that they were probably a bit looser than they had been last week at this time, but that that didn�t change the fact that I really had gained two pounds last week, that two scales confirmed it, and there was no arguing with that fact. He told me that the scale I bought was screwy, that according to it he weighed three pounds heavier one day than he had the day before, and that that was �after taking a dump, too.�
To this, I asked sarcastically if that meant that no scales were right, ever, so if I weigh myself on Friday and I�ve lost weight from last week, it�s probably wrong anyway and I shouldn�t be happy? He said no, that when the scale says you�ve lost weight, it�s right. But when it says you�ve gained weight, there�s something wrong with it. I think maybe I could live with that rule of thumb.
*****
Enough about weight. Let�s talk about other vanity-related issues. I�ve decided that the upkeep and maintenance of the human body is out of control. And I think I may have to start removing steps, one by one, until all I do is rinse off in the shower, apply deodorant, and brush my teeth.
Seriously, though, it�s just getting WAY too complicated to make yourself presentable these days. And I�m not even a �high-maintenance� chick. Let�s start with the shower and all the washing. You have to wash your hair, your body, and your face, and I don�t know about you, but for me that means three different products. Then you have to shave. Enough said. And don�t forget conditioning.
Then there�s the next layer of products applied to the body. Lotion is one thing that gets on my nerves. You look so great when you�re all lubed up, and you don�t get that itchy dry skin, but I find lotion a pain in the butt. I hate that it gets all over my rings, and it�s tricky to get just the right amount so you don�t end up with a bunch of excess lotion that forces you to come up with extra body parts to moisturize. And I hate that greasy feel on my hands. Then, there�s a separate, special lotion for your face, and if you�re really fancy, you even have another type of moisturizer for around your eyes and stuff. (I was told by my eyebrow waxer lady to get some good eye cream, but I just can�t deal with it most days.) Then, once you�ve sufficiently slathered yourself with moisturizing creams, you apply deodorant to suck all of the moisture out of your armpits and ensure that they stay bone dry. Of course, many of these aforementioned products have their own special scent, so by this time you probably smell like spring fresh magic lily vanilla bean, but if that�s not enough you can add a little perfume of your choice to the mix.
Then there�s the makeup. Personally, I don�t spend much time on this, but it�s still a step you (usually) have to take. And usually it�s at this point that I notice a few stray hairs along my brow line or some other incomprehensible place and have to pluck those suckers.
Then there�s the hair. Oh, the hair. What I wouldn�t give to have wash-and-go hair. I just don�t, though. It needs to be dried and there�s a lot of it so this takes a while, and besides drying it, it demands other, extra attention. This is just my lot in life, hair-wise. And then my needy hair asks for special product to make it shiny and lustrous, and this is basically just hair lotion (see my feelings about lotion above).
But you�re not completely clean yet. You�ve neglected your insides. Namely, ears and mouth. Personally, I�m a Q-tip junkie, and I don�t always follow the warnings on the box � I like to really dig in there. I�m willing to accept tooth-brushing as one of those things in life you just have to do. But I always feel this twinge of guilt as I neglect to floss. I�ll admit it: My name is Freed0m and I don�t floss.
And finally, before I can get out the door, I�ve suddenly found that I need all this medication just to keep my body functioning. I�ve always taken pills for allergies and whatnot, but it�s really gotten out of hand lately. I even have one of those old lady pill box thingies with separate compartments for each day of the week so I don�t forget anything. Currently, each compartment houses seven pills: One multivitamin, one calcium pill, one anit-oxident (B got me started on that; I don�t even know what they �do�), two glucosamine chondroitin pills (supposedly for my knees), an allergy pill, and a birth control pill. On top of that, I also need a puff on an Inhaler for my asthma.
It�s just too much. I�m sick of it, and I have to do this every day for the rest of my life? I�m exhausted already.
*****
Oh, and that leads me to another topic. Walking around naked in gym locker rooms: OK or not? Opinions vary in this matter, I know. Personally, I don�t really *want* to see random women�s boobs, butts, etc., but I realize that it IS a locker room and it would be unreasonable for me to expect it to be G-rated. That said, I myself don�t choose to walk, or even stand, around naked. I don�t go to the bathroom stall to change (anymore � hee), but I get my changing done quickly and efficiently and either facing away or toward others as appropriate. There are, however, many women who are much less modest. And while this is their right and privilege, I have to say that I find myself staring at the floor quite a bit in a crowded locker room.
But this lady yesterday just took it to the extreme. She came strolling out of the shower area with just a towel on her head. OK, I think, I�ll avert my eyes until she puts her undergarments on. But she�s obviously in no hurry and takes her own sweet time getting ready. She goes through various steps of getting ready, still standing around buck naked. But then�THEN�what does she do? She hoists her leg up onto the bathroom countertop and starts applying lotion. Slowly. Thoroughly. Then, I don�t know if she was putting on powder or what, but she starts � with her leg still up on the counter � SLAPPING her calves, SLAPPING her thighs. I really could have gone my whole life without seeing that. That kind of behavior is just uncalled for.
*****
And now, to switch gears entirely, I would like to discuss Ronald Reagan. Ahem. I was very much saddened by his death. Actually, I found myself a teensy bit glad that he had passed on since I�m sure the last several years, with his health failing and him not really himself, have been torture on his family. I hope I never have to see a loved one of mine go through that disease. But I know that, despite any relief his passing may have been, it was still a very sad day for his family.
But that�s not really what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is how I found myself feeling this strange sort of sadness over his death. Aside from the sadness for his family or over the loss of a human life � this sadness was different. And I think what it was was a sort of mourning over the end of an era. I know that sounds trite, but I don�t mean it the same way the news networks do. I mean that Ronald Reagan was the first U.S. President I was really aware of. He was president from the time I was in kindergarten until I was in eighth grade. That�s a big chunk of my adolescence; it�s basically all of my childhood.
And I don�t know if it�s just because I was young and naive and unaware of what was going on in the world or if that�s really how the world was back then, but things just seemed simpler. More innocent. Madonna with her pointy metal cone boobs was about the most shocking thing out there. MTV was getting popular, but the videos were pretty lame and corny. George Michaels shaking his butt and singing �Let�s talk about sex� was enough to send parents over the edge. Oh, I know there was still war and strife, but the world just seemed like a safer, more pleasant, place than it is now.
It just seems like those days are gone and our society has rapidly disintegrated into this cesspool where kids can�t play outside and teenagers can�t be left alone and spouses can�t be trusted and television shows need ratings and V-chips and an R-rated movie isn�t quite dirty enough so you have to see the �uncensored� version on video and you have to fear your college-aged daughter �going wild� and you can�t be too careful about what word you type into your search engine and pregnant wives can�t walk their dogs on Christmas Eve and we can�t protect our children from having their minds warped without being accused of infringing upon everyone else�s �rights.�
That�s just how it feels to me.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004