Diaries I Read:
If you�ve read my entries before, you know that I am madly in love with my husband.
That said, he�s not perfect. There are hundreds of wonderful things about him, but I�m going to write about my least favorite habit of his.
He tends to use foul language. He�s done it since the day we met. I love him and I accept every other part of who he is � both good and bad. But this is the one thing that I�d really like to change about him, and I�ve been trying ever since we met.
It�s just become a habit for him. For one, his family tends to use a lot of four-letter words, so I know he picked up some of it there. He also works in an industry that is definitely male dominated, and they talk to each other like sailors. I remember one time listening to his end of a phone call, and he was f--- this and d--- that and bull--- and whatnot. When he got off the phone, I asked �Who in the world was that?� and you can imagine my surprise when he answered, �my boss.� His boss?! That�s just the lingo, I guess.
Still, it�s embarrassing and it�s not OK. When he goes out in public and starts throwing around words like that in casual conversation, it just makes him sound ignorant. I�ve always felt that using foul language was a crutch � a way for stupid people to express themselves when they don�t have the skills to do so in another way. And I�d hate for people to think of B that way.
He can keep it in check, though, when he wants to. He�s pretty good around my parents. He used to be REALLY good, but once he got to know them better and became more comfortable around them, he started loosening up a bit. We also have some friends who made a point of asking B not to swear around them. And, for the most part, he doesn�t.
I�ve told him how I feel about it and I�ve asked him to please try to stop. I think he does try, but it�s just become a habit and it�s so ingrained in his vocabulary that it�s hard for him. The one word I really CANNOT stand is the f-word. He�ll throw it around as a verb, an adjective, whatever. I know sometimes he doesn�t even realize he�s doing it. A while ago, I asked him if he would please just take that one word out of his vocabulary. I figured we�d start with the most offensive word and go from there. I think he has reduced his f-bomb usage, but he still has some work to do.
I�ve also tried to convince him that he needs to start cleaning up his language in preparation for us having children one day. There is no way I would let my kids get away with the language that comes out of B�s mouth, and I�d be humiliated if my children went to school or over to a friend�s house dropping f-bombs. Kids will pick up on their parents� language before you know it, so he has GOT to get it under control before we get to that stage in our lives.
One of the times when his language is the most offensive is when he�s driving. He gets really irritated with other drivers, and he expresses his feelings quite colorfully. Personally, I think it�s ridiculous. He gets himself all worked up over minor things. But, whatever. Something else I�ve learned to deal with.
So, on Friday night we had plans to go out to dinner with our neighbors and their nine-year-old daughter. The husband was meeting us there, so we had the wife and daughter in our back seat as we drove to the restaurant. We�re having a pleasant conversation, and we pull into the parking lot.
B has his left turn signal on, and there�s another car coming toward us, ready to turn to their left. But then B changes his mind and decides to go straight, but has to stop short because the other car is turning in front of us. The girl in the other car gives him this rude stare and keeps glaring at him as she turns, v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y in front of us. At this, B loses it.
�Come on, get the hell out of the way!� he yells. Then, �F--- YOU!�
The second it was out of his mouth, he realized what he�d just yelled in front of our nine-year-old neighbor. He starts apologizing profusely, telling her that he didn�t mean it, that he didn�t just say that, that he shouldn�t have said it, that she should never use that word.
He was humiliated. And I was humiliated for him.
Our neighbor tried to be cool about it, to take the edge off of the painfully awkward situation. She started talking about how hard it is, when you have kids, to change habits like that, and how she and her husband had a �dollar jar,� into which they had to make a deposit every time they slipped up and used a bad word. We were able to forget about it and enjoy a really nice dinner together.
Since then, B hasn�t said anything else about it, and I certainly haven�t mentioned it. But you know what? As embarrassing as it was, I�m sort of glad it happened. I think it was a real eye-opener for B. I think he finally heard how awful that word sounds. I think he finally realized that he really needs to work on changing that habit. I think he was surprised at how comfortable he�s become with that word, how easily it slipped out when he really didn�t want it to.
I don�t think I�ve heard him say it since.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004