Diaries I Read:
I went to dinner last night with two of my good friends from my Master�s program. I hadn�t seen them for over a year.
We all graduated together, worked together, and were planning on applying to Ph.D. programs together. But while we were in the throes of studying for the English subject GRE exam (the test from hell), I realized that my heart just wasn�t in it. I decided to back off for a while and take some time off from school.
Then I was teaching and that didn�t really work out, so I started looking for a new job and got engaged and found a job and got married and hated my job and found this new job and this is where I am now.
They, on the other hand, studied for the GRE, took the GRE, applied for schools, and both ended up in the same Ph.D. program. Now they�re finishing up their course work and then it will be on to exams and writing dissertations.
Anyway, sitting there talking to them, I realized what a dramatic turn my life has taken over the past couple of years. They are living the life, to some degree, that I imagined I�d be living. Their days are filled with studying and writing lesson plans and teaching and reading and meeting with students and schmoozing with professors and giving presentations and writing papers. Their lives are filled with books and knowledge and smart people having intelligent discussions.
And I�m living in the middle of suburbia with my dog and cat and husband. I get up every morning and go to my cubicle and have water-cooler conversations about �American Idol� and who�s on which diet. I fill my days with scrapbooking and puppy school and trips to the grocery store. I�m lucky if I finish my one book every month for my book club, and I�m even luckier if that book was worth the time and effort.
I�m not complaining. I�m really not. I�m just a little stunned by the different direction my life has taken. I used to be so caught up in academia and how I was going to become an important professor. I used to look down my nose a bit at those women who occupied their time with children and crafts and homemaking. And now I�m one of those women � or at least I�m on my way to becoming one, sort of.
I still have a passion for learning and literature and academia. There are times when I miss it desperately. In a way, I am envious of my two friends and the path they�re on because I think it will lead them to a very fulfilling career in which they will find much success. And I don�t know if I�ll ever be able to make my way back to that world and take the same path at some point.
But I wouldn�t change my life for anything. I wouldn�t trade my husband and my home and the family (two people, a dog, and a cat is a family as good as any other!) we�re building together for anything.
I�m just thinking that it�s funny how things work out.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004