Diaries I Read:
Just got back from a trip to upstate New York to visit my granddad, who I think I�ve said has throat cancer. It was sort of a last-minute thing � all of a sudden, I just felt like I really needed to go. And when I talked to my manager about a short trip, it was pretty much now or never since two of my co-workers have long vacations scheduled throughout October. So I left last Thursday afternoon and got back last night. I was afraid that it might not be enough time, but actually I think it was perfect. I had pretty much done what I needed to do there, and I was ready to come back home.
I don�t really know where to start. There is so much to say, and so much of it is wrapped up in history and it will take a lot of words to get through it all.
I guess I�ll start by saying that the weather was charming. I know that sounds like a weird word to use, but I think it�s the word that fits best. Here in southern California, we don�t have seasons. It�s pretty much pleasant all year round. Sure, we have some crappy days, but they don�t compare to the crappy days in most other places. So when I got to upstate New York and actually saw FALL, it was beautiful. It wasn�t really cold, just pleasantly cool. It rained a couple of times, but nothing too extensive. There was a wonderful crispness to the air that gave you a sense that things were changing. I�ll bet that Christmas doesn�t sneak up on people who live in climates like that quite as quickly as it sneaks up on us out here. I mean, out here we get no warning. We only know by the decorations in the windows. There�s no signal. But everywhere I looked in New York, there were signs that the seasons were changing.
At first, I was a little disappointed because I thought I was a few weeks too early to see the leaves change color. When I first got there, everything still looked very green. But amazingly, they all began changing over the next three days. Every day there was a little more color. And the trees themselves are just incredible. I mean, out here, we don�t know the meaning of trees. We have a few trees here and there, strategically placed and painstakingly watered, but there, they just grow. Everywhere. Along the freeways (the freeways!), there were forests. It was so green. And then red, yellow, orange, brown�
For those of you who may not know, upstate New York is nothing like the New York most people probably think of. It�s very rural, very agricultural, very small-town. I�ve always been intrigued, and a little bit confused, by upstate New York. What I mean is, it�s just so unlike everything I know. It�s filled with these tiny towns, and houses on acres and acres of land, and fields and fields of crops. It�s always seemed a little unreal to me, like something that only exists in movies.
Especially the towns. Really, they�re just like they were taken out of a movie. I�m not really sure how to describe it. But there are these strips of little shops and restaurants and dry cleaners and such. They all have signs outside that you wouldn�t recognize because the coffee shops aren�t Starbucks or The Coffee Bean and the video stores aren�t Blockbuster and the bookstores aren�t Borders or Barnes and Noble. The restaurants aren�t Chili�s or Macaroni Grill. They�re places like Bubbles Market or Hildreth�s (really, Hildreth) Restaurant or Agnes Books and Gifts. They�re quintessentially small-town.
And then, as soon as you enter the town, you leave it. One block and all of a sudden you�re out in the middle of the country, where there are miles between the houses. Where people have tire swings hanging from their trees and broken-down tractors in their side yards and horses in the pasture and swings and pumpkins on their porches and cats in the windows and chickens pecking around the lawn. And next to the houses are barns. Big, red barns with �1893� printed in giant letters on the roof to signify when the barn was built. All the homes looked so cozy, like they were warm and happy inside. Like there couldn�t be any trouble to this simple, bucolic life that the perfect people inside must lead. I know I�m being simplistic and romantic. But that�s just the way the place felt to me.
I�ve never been one for fall. I�ve never liked the colors that Hallmark and Pottery Barn try to force upon you this time of year. I�ve always wanted to hold on to the brightness of summer and I resist the greens, oranges, and browns of the season. Now I think I know why. I�ve never experienced fall. We don�t have it here. Why should I want to surround myself with the seemingly drab colors when it�s still 85 degrees outside? When I can still go to the beach and fry under the sun all weekend? But over the past few days, I embraced fall. Everywhere I went, there were jack-o-lanterns and black cats and multi-colored leaves and gourds, and I wanted them all. I wanted to take fall back to California with me and try to make my home feel the way New York felt this past week.
Now I want the sun to go away and let me bring out my sweaters and boots and scarves and (gasp!) umbrella! Let�s go, autumn! It�s time!
I wish I could truly capture the sights and smells and sounds and feel of upstate New York here. I wish I�d had the time and luxury to just drive around and walk around with a notebook and try to write it all down. Unfortunately, there just wasn�t the time.
Last night, as my plane flew over Nevada, it looked so desolate and ugly. There was not a tree to be seen below me. And then, I got on the freeway and there were just cars. And cars and cars and cars. And for the first time in my life, I disliked California. I disliked the place that I�ve called home my entire life. I hated the noise and the bright lights and the boring, predictable store fronts in the mini-mall after mini-mall that I passed on my way home.
I�m sure this feeling will pass. I�m sure I�ll quickly readjust to all these things that are so familiar to me. But I�m not sure that�s a good thing.
In a couple of months, underneath six feet of snow, maybe upstate New York wouldn�t seem quite so charming. It�s the unfamiliarity that makes it so enchanting, anyway. But it was like a little fantasy land. You know those little collectible villages that you can buy, especially around Christmastime? They�re little houses and city halls and skating rinks and general stores and such and you set them up and display them, and they come with little lights to light up the windows with a warm glow? That�s what it was like. It was like stepping into one of those little miniature villages. Yes, charming is the right word.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004