Diaries I Read:
I�ve started the South Beach diet. I know, I know. I probably shouldn�t be getting myself into this, especially after the disaster that was the Atkins diet.
By the way, B has lost 19 pounds since the beginning of July. He lost 10 pounds, like, immediately, and he�s continued to lose weight even though he�s not really following the diet anymore. I mean, he still doesn�t eat pasta, and he tries to avoid things like white bread and potatoes and most desserts, but he does eat fairly normally. He�s not really following any diet at the moment, just trying to avoid the foods that he knows are really bad.
As for me, I�ve gained a pound since I started the Atkins diet. I only did it for one week, and then I gave up on it completely. I absolutely hated it. Actually, though, I�m pleasantly surprised that I�ve only gained one pound, because for the past few months I�ve been eating anything and everything I�ve wanted to without abandon, and I�ve hardly been exercising at all. I think I�ve gone running three times in the past two months. So I was prepared to really be tipping the scale.
I�m not really doing this diet to lose weight, because I�ve finally come to the realization that I�m at just about my natural weight. That means I don�t look perfect, but I�m in shape and healthy and I think this is about where my body should be, give or take five pounds. That�s not to say I�m totally thrilled with my body, but after years and years of struggling with different food and weight and body issues, I�ve come to a point of acceptance.
I think my issues started to resolve themselves when I started running. As I trained for my first marathon, I lost a little bit of weight. Again, even though in my mind I was a cow, I really wasn�t, in reality. Still, I lost a few pounds and, more importantly, my body changed shape. I just started carrying my weight a bit differently, and my clothes fit better.
After having trained for a completed a marathon, I think I finally realized that I was never going to have a perfect body. I was in the best shape I�d ever been in as an adult, and if there were still areas on my body that weren�t perfect, the sad truth is that they just weren�t ever going to be perfect. And I was satisfied with that. I felt better about myself and I felt healthy and I felt like I looked as good as I could.
But now I don�t feel that way. I think part of it is that after running for almost three years, the exercise starts to be a little less effective. In addition to that, like I said, I haven�t been eating well at all and I haven�t even been keeping up with my running. So even though my body still looks basically the same, I�m not as happy with it. Does that make sense?
So I�m just trying to change my diet. I want to start eating more healthy. And this diet sounds like a good way to go. It seems much more reasonable than the Adkins diet, and it doesn�t promote eating all that nasty high-fat stuff, like bacon and whole milk, like Adkins did. I�m not really doing it to lose weight, although I would be disappointed if I didn�t drop at least a couple of pounds. I just need to get my eating under control because I�m afraid of what might happen if I continue on the course I�ve been on.
So I�m on day #2. Big accomplishment. I haven�t had any sweets or potatoes or even fruit. (You can�t have fruit during the first two weeks, but after that you can.) I�ve had plenty of vegetables and protein. I�ve been eating low-fat cheese when I eat it. I�ve been really good, and it hasn�t been that hard. Not nearly as hard as the Adkins diet was. I think part of the problem I had with Adkins was that I simply didn�t really want to do it. I went along with it because B was doing it and because I was lured in by the idea of dropping 10 pounds right before my reunion. Stupid, huh? But my attitude is much better now, so I think I�ll be able to do it. We�ll see.
On a related topic, I decided I was going to start swimming laps because the doctor said I couldn�t keep running so many miles on my knee. I mentioned it to B, and he said he�d swim with me, with which I was thrilled because I think it will really help me stick to it if he goes with me. Anyway, I wanted to go last week, but he said he couldn�t because he didn�t have the right bathing suit. I had never imagined that he intended to wear a Speedo, but apparently he did. I was surprised that he�d be willing to even put one on! But it does make sense. I mean, you can�t swim laps very well with big old baggy board shorts.
So we went to Sportmart last night to get him a new bathing suit. Speedos have come a long way, let me tell you! Not only do they have the tight little brief bathing suits, but now they also have suits that are like biking shorts. He tried a bunch on, and he was convinced they were too tight. But I think he�s just not used to it. These guys in their boxers and baggy pants have forgotten what it feels like to be constrained in any way, unlike us girls who put up with torture in the name of beauty and fashion. Anyway, I convinced him that they were supposed to be a little tight, and he ended up buying one traditional suit and one of the shorts suits. Let�s hear it for my man being man enough to be seen in public in a Speedo! (A facial, a massage, and a Speedo all in one week � he must be feeling quite comfortable with his masculinity!)
So tonight I�m going swimming for the first time. Should be interesting. I wonder how many laps I�ll be able to do before I collapse and drown? Just kidding.
Speaking of collapsing, B and I ran three miles last night and I thought I was going to die. I don�t want to sound like a running snob, because I�m really not a great runner even though I�ve run many miles, but three miles is nothing. I�m feeling very pathetic that I can only run three miles these days, and it was hard, too! Partly because there are a lot of hills around our house, but still. I should be able to run three miles like I�m falling out of bed. Oh well, I guess it�s just a process of working back up. I hope my knee will let me.
Did I tell you that I went to the doctor for my knee? Yes, and he basically told me nothing. It was good news in that there wasn�t anything terribly wrong with me � he said my surgery has held up well. But it was bad news because he really couldn�t help me. He said to cut down on my mileage. How do you cut back from zero? So it was a bit disappointing.
Even more disappointing was my trip to the dermatologist last week. Remember how I told you I needed an appointment because of the red bumps on my butt? Well, I made the appointment, like, two months ago, and during that time the bumps have greatly improved. (I was almost bummed � get it, bummed? � about that, though, because how can he help me if he can�t see what�s wrong? Anyway, I certainly wasn�t going to cancel my appointment after waiting so long. Plus that, I figured it was a good idea for me to go get checked out since my dad�s had some problems with skin cancer. So I leave work and go to this doctor�s office. After filling out a bunch of paperwork, I wait in the waiting room for about 35 minutes. Then they take me into the exam room and I wait about 10 minutes. Then the doctor comes in and asks me why I�m there. I tell him, and he says to strip down and wrap up in this big paper napkin and he�ll be back to look at me. So I do. And I am not kidding, I sat there in that napkin for 25 minutes before that doctor came back in to see me. At one point, I was seriously about to put my clothes back on and leave. It was absolutely ridiculous. FINALLY, he comes in and has me stand in front of him so he can look at my skin. I�m not kidding, he looked for about 40 seconds, asked me to turn around, looked for another 40 seconds, including looking at my butt-bumps, and says, �You look fine.�
I was floored. I was pissed. He did address the butt-bumps and said they were no big deal (I had to tell him that they were MUCH improved since I�d originally made the appointment) but gave me a prescription anyway. He�s lucky he did. I couldn�t believe that in less than two minutes he could thoroughly examine me and determine that I was �fine.� It�s not that I like being examined by doctors; in fact, I HATE it and DREAD it like nothing else. But I�m trying to be mature and take care of myself. And I was reading about melanoma in the office (because God knows I had plenty of time to educate myself) and nearly any mole or freckle on your body can be a melanoma! And you pretty much need an expert to tell you if it�s an OK mole or freckle or not. I just can�t believe that he was able to tell that from looking me up and down for maybe two minutes. Needless to say, I was really pissed. I won�t go back to that doctor again. I can�t believe I waited two months, not to mention two hours of my day, for that! And he probably made $200 for that visit. What a rip-off.
So there you go. More than you ever wanted to know.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004