Diaries I Read:
I had a crappy crappy crap day at work today. I don�t want to talk about specifics because I feel weird about writing that kind of stuff while I�m sitting here at work. So let�s just suffice it to say that it was crap. Pure crap. Crappy people pulling crappy stuff that made me feel like crap. Crap.
And I cried in front of my boss again. And his boss. I hate that. It�s so incredibly unprofessional. But I�ve said it before � I can�t help it. It�s a physical reaction that I literally have no control over. Believe me, if I could stop myself from doing it, I would. But I can�t. I even prepared myself for it, or tried to. I knew I was about to say something that was difficult for me to say, and I took several deep breaths to try to avoid the tears, and still there they came. Beyond my control.
B doesn�t believe this. One time, very early on in our relationship, he said that crying was the one thing he couldn�t handle. While I understand that he may find it difficult to deal with, I just had to tell him that he�d better get used to it. Because I cry. A lot. And I really don�t mean to, or want to. He seems to think that I do it to try to get my way or something. That I do it to manipulate him and get what I want. I�m still not sure if he believes me when I say that this is not the case at all. I�m not a manipulative person to begin with; I don�t think I�ve ever manipulated a person � a guy � intentionally. And some might argue that women do it unintentionally � that it�s just a part of our makeup or something. But I don�t buy that. I�m not manipulative. I�m honest. Almost to a fault. I can�t hide the way I feel. Case in point: crying in front of two superiors at work today.
But now it�s time for me to go home. So I am. I really need to go home.
Something you don�t know about me: I cry. A lot. But not nearly as much since I met B. I do cry more during certain times of the month. Again, can�t help it. Deal with it.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004