Diaries I Read:
I think I wore myself out yesterday writing that big long entry. But I think I�m glad I did it. I haven�t really thought through that whole situation for a long time. It was good to revisit it and get it out of my system.
As far as how much of all that I�m going to share with B, I think the answer is �not much.� First of all, I don�t think he really cares. Secondly, I don�t think he�d get it. He�s not an emotional person like I am. He doesn�t feel things the way that I do. And if he does, he deals with it and then lets it go and then it�s done. And lastly, I just don�t think it would do any good. What would I accomplish? If I made such a big deal about it, I don�t think I�d be able to get him to understand that it�s really not a big deal.
What I might tell him is this: My high school/college boyfriend is going to be at the reunion. We haven�t seen each other or spoken in 5 years. There�s a lot of history there. It might be a good situation, it might not. If I have the opportunity to talk to him, I might have to take it. That�s it.
I forgot to say one last thing about the whole situation. I�m almost embarrassed to say it, but I got this from an episode of �Dawson�s Creek.� I really haven�t even watched it for years, but I know the general story line and I�m familiar with the ongoing drama between Joey and Dawson. I don�t remember the exact line, but basically they said that they had to hurt each other badly enough before they�d let each other go. Maybe that was the case with me and J. Maybe we just had to hurt each other deeply before we could move on with our lives. That we certainly did.
So that�s that. That�s all I have to say on the subject for now.
Did I tell you that we won the battle of the ceiling fans? We did. They�re taking two (the nicest two, of course) and leaving two and giving us $200 for each that they take. We�re still sorta getting screwed, but not as much as we were before. So now I guess everything�s a go with the house. But I�m getting a little nervous about the whole thing. I don�t know why; it just all makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach. And we still haven�t had any offers on the condo, which is way depressing. I don�t know why. I hope it�s not because it�s overpriced. We ARE asking for a lot, but that�s the market. We need to sell this condo. I�m getting really sick of keeping it immaculate.
What else do I have to write about? B got really drunk on Sunday night. We went to a friend�s house for a BBQ and he just kept on drinking wine. I tried to suggest that he slow down, but I didn�t want to be a nag. He�s a grown-up. I didn�t even realize how much he was really drinking, because by the end of the night he said he had drunk two bottles of red wine! Gross. So we got home and he barfed. And barfed and barfed and barfed and barfed. I was trying to be sympathetic and be a good wife, but I didn�t know how I could help, so I got him a warm washcloth, and when I went into the bathroom, the smell of vomit was so overpowering I literally gagged. I thought I was going to throw up! It was really awful! So I think he learned his lesson. I�ve never seen him sick like that. Now, next time I reserve the right to be a bit of a nag if need be.
I�m bored at work today. I�ve been bored at work quite a bit lately. All I want to do is go home and take a nap. I haven�t had a good nap in way too long. B and I tried to lie down for a nap on Sunday afternoon, and then a realtor called and wanted to show the condo. So we had to clean up and evacuate. We were really annoyed.
I was so tired last night I couldn�t stand it. So I hardly saw B at all. Then, he got up this morning to leave for Sacramento for the night. So I won�t see him tonight either. So sad. I miss him when he�s gone.
But back to the subject of work. I am bored. There are all these things that I want to get done, but I can�t because I�m waiting for other people. That�s really aggravating.
It�s been really crappy weather for about the past week. Really crappy. Cold. Rainy. Overcast. It sucks. When is summer going to arrive? I love summer.
I washed my car last night. I was so proud of myself. My car was so gross I couldn�t stand it anymore. And since it�s been drizzling so much, I didn�t really want to spend the time washing it because I knew it would just get ruined in the rain. But I finally broke down last night and went to my parents� house after running to wash it. My dad even helped me. That was cool. But the only reason he helped me was because I told him that I wasn�t going to go crazy trying to make it look perfect because I knew it was just going to get rained on. He couldn�t stand to see me do a half-assed job, so he helped. It looks really good. For now. When we move I�ll be able to wash my car in my own driveway.
I really hope I get to leave work early today. I sort of doubt it, though. I�d love to have a chance to go home and take a short nap. That would be absolutely beautiful.
Something you don�t know about me? I was in the spelling bee in third grade. I misspelled the word �drowsy.� I spelled it �drowsey.� I was devastated. I cried and cried and cried. Even though I was the youngest kid in the contest, I truly thought I was going to win. I probably could have. But I didn�t. I�ll never forget it. I think I freaked my parents out a little with my reaction. I�m not sure they realized before that incident how much I expected of myself and how hard I could be on myself when I didn�t live up to my expectations. Especially for a kid. I guess I took myself pretty seriously even then.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004