Diaries I Read:
Lately one of my favorite daily tasks is recording the number of miles I�ve run that morning. On my calendar here at work, I write down my mileage, plus I get a blue star on that day just because I ran. (I get a red star when I go to the gym � I�ve only gotten one of those so far this month � I just haven�t felt like it!) Then I also write down my miles on my marathon training schedule so I can compare how many I did to how many I was supposed to do.
It�s a nice little ritual, and it gives me a feeling of accomplishment to see all those stars (19 so far this month!) and numbers.
But I didn�t get a star today.
My alarm went off at 5:15 and my first mistake was lying in bed for a few moments. In those few moments, I convinced myself that it was OK for me to sleep another 15 minutes and run five miles instead of six. Since my running partner wasn�t meeting me, I felt like I could start a little later, so I reset the alarm clock for 5:30. When it went off at 5:30, the mind games continued. I realized that if I skipped the run, I could sleep for an extra hour and a half! I even told myself that I should take the day off because, after all, I�d been feeling the beginnings of shin splints for the past several days and needed to rest my legs.
So I slept the extra hour and a half. When my alarm clock sounded again at 7:00, I popped right out of bed. But as soon as I was up, I wanted to kick myself for sleeping in and skipping the run. I still didn�t feel all that rested, and now I�d missed my only opportunity to run for the day.
I still wish I�d just bitten the bullet and gotten my butt out of bed. Sure, I�d probably be a little more tired right now, but I�m almost always tired anyway. Then I wouldn�t feel the twinge of guilt for eating lunch out today (I had a healthy tuna sandwich, but still, it�s more points than I would have eaten otherwise). I would have been able to give myself a blue star. My totally mileage for the week would match the marathon training schedule. I�m not going to beat myself up about it; I just wish I�d done it. Hopefully I�ll remember this the next time I�m tempted to stay in bed.
I�m getting a massage tonight after work. I�m so looking forward to it. A couple of months ago, I bought this promotional package at a spa near my house, so I have a certificate for a free massage. (Well, I guess I paid for it, technically, but it still feels �free.�) I need it. I�ve been feeling pretty beaten up lately � tense, tired, stressed � this should help.
Speaking of being beaten up, B has been having dizzy spells. He mentioned it on Saturday, but I didn�t think much of it. Then, on Sunday in church, we were standing up singing when all of a sudden he just sort of � stumbled. He didn�t fall, but it looked like he was about to. I held onto his arm until the singing was over. Later that day, he was talking on the phone and when he went to stand up, he fell over. I had to lead him back to the chair to sit down.
So I looked up �dizziness� on Web MD and nothing seemed to fit, except maybe heart problems, which is a scary thought since B�s dad has had heart problems for years and several bypass surgeries, but I really don�t think that�s the deal with B. So I looked up the medication he�s been taking for the tingling in his hands and, sure enough, it listed dizziness as a possible side effect. Moreover, it said that alcohol can increase side effects, and B had been drinking both Saturday at the baseball game and Sunday at our neighborhood block party.
We were sort of relieved that it might be related to drinking, since that�s something that can easily be controlled. So we decided that he wouldn�t drink at all this week and see if it went away.
On Monday, he had several dizzy spells. So I insisted that he call the neurologist.
Yesterday, the neurologist said to decrease his medication to one pill a day and see if that helps. But it doesn�t seem to make sense. He�s been taking this medication since April, and he�s never felt dizzy before. Can medication have a cumulative effect? And if so, does that mean that, after several months of taking one pill a day, he�ll start getting dizzy from that too? What if one pill a day isn�t enough and his arms and hands are tingly and itchy and uncomfortable?
Or what if it�s not the pills at all? Could it be something else related to his spinal injury? Nerve damage? Heart problems? All of those are very scary options. And what if he gets a dizzy spell while he�s driving? Or he falls and hurts himself again?
Oh yeah, and he felt dizzy again last night as he got into bed.
This is not good for me. I�m the one who�s gonna start developing heart problems if I keep worrying like this.
Gosh, I�ve been at such a loss over things to write about lately. I�m so anxious to get things started with PL, and we�ve spent most of the last few evenings putting together our business plan, and when I�m here at work the last thing I want to do are the things I�m supposed to be doing. So I try to sneak in bits of time and work on PL stuff, and I feel like I�m constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone�s paying any attention. And then I print stuff, and I have to rush over to the printer so no one will see what�s printing.
One thing I had to print was my resume because we�re including it in the business plan. So I tell it to print and then run over to the printer and � nothing. So I go back to my desk and send it again and � nothing. So I give up. But then, a little while ago I needed to print something that was actually work-related and it wouldn�t print so I consulted my manager. He pulled up the printer page and it showed all the jobs that had been sent to print, including my resume � twice! Luckily, I had just named it PL.doc and not PL resume.doc or something. Man, that would have been bad.
I know, I know, I shouldn�t be working on this kind of thing at work anyway. So sue me. Or fire me. Wait, I didn�t mean that. Not yet.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004