Diaries I Read:
Now that I�ve given you the whole saga of our experience in the hospital, I suppose I should give you the update.
B is fine. He�s going to be OK. His mood has improved considerably since the first couple of days he was at home. He seems to get a little bit better every day.
The only thing that still bothers him are his hands and arms. Sometimes he describes the feeling as a tingling or itching, like fire ants are crawling all over his hands. Sometimes he says his thumbs and arms are just sore. Sometimes he says his arms are �on fire.�
I�d be lying if I said this doesn�t worry me. I don�t like that he still needs Vicoden to deal with the discomfort. But on the other hand, hasn�t been two weeks since it happened, and it�s been just over a week since he had the surgery. So he�s doing really well considering the short timeframe.
The doctor said it might take weeks for the tingling to go away, or it might be months. He even said there was a chance that it would never go away completely, that he might always have a faint sensation in his fingertips. Donna, the nurse we met on our honeymoon, had the same surgery as B (she actually broke her neck) and she says she still has a little tingling in the fingers on one of her hands. I guess it�s the sort of thing you learn to tune out eventually.
I believe that he�s going to get back to 100%. I believe that because I have to. I also believe that because B is really strong. He was in amazing shape before the accident, and his recovery has been remarkable so far. I can�t not think that he�ll be back to 100%.
He�s been working a little over the last couple of days. Luckily, he works from home so he can work for a while and then take a nap if he needs to. He just can�t stand lying around all day, so he�s getting back into the swing of things. He does have a little trouble typing, though.
His appetite has been good. He�s been sleeping better the past few nights. He almost seems like his old self, just maybe a little more worn out. I think it might start getting harder for me to remember that he�s still recovering and needs to take it easy.
The incision on his neck looks good. It�s a little over an inch long, and they sealed it with skin glue � no stitches or anything. It looks like it�s right in a crease in his neck, so if he ends up with a scar it probably won�t be very noticeable.
At the same time that I know how well he�s doing and how quickly he�s bouncing back, it still really pains me to see him in this weakened state, so to speak. Just like it broke my heart when we were in the hospital and I had to cut up his food and feed it to him, it hurts to see him struggle to get the lid off of a jar or even sign his name. I know he hates to be dependant on anyone, to have to ask for help with anything. And I hate to see that my big, strong, invincible husband really isn�t invincible.
But he�s OK, and he�s getting better every day. I won�t voice my fears to him; I�m sure he has enough of his own that he�s not sharing with me. All we can do is be patient and have faith that it�s all in God�s hands.
One of my very wise friends asked me the other day what B and I have taken away from this experience. I will leave you with these reflections:
* Life can change in an instant. That change can be permanent.
* �It� CAN happen to you. But even as I tell you this, you won�t really understand or appreciate it until �it� happens.
* I am not a teenager anymore. Neither are you (probably). Even though I may still feel like one, and feel like I�m invincible, I am neither. And us non-teenagers don�t bounce back (no pun intended) quite as quickly.
* I�m stronger than I thought I was. B�s weaker than I thought he was.
* I love B more than I knew. He loves me more than I knew. We appreciate each other more now.
* B will get better, but things will never be the same. In more ways than one, that�s OK.
Working at home - Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2004
Toronto - Tuesday, Nov. 16, 2004
On the way to Toronto... - Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2004
A Good Day - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
Another letter - Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004